In this episode of Mind Your Mind, Joseph opens Part 1 of the attachment series. He takes us to the beginning—our childhood—and explains how our early experiences with our caregivers dictate the ways in which we attach. Joseph draws on the resource, Attached, to provide a basis of understanding for today’s topic. Listen as Joseph explains the causes for attachment development, the 4 types of attachment, and a breakdown of the 4 types of attachment using children’s reactions to stress as an example.

Time Stamped Show Notes:

  • 00:01 – Introduction to Mind Your Mind Podcast
  • 00:23 – Today’s episode is Part 1 of an attachment series
  • 00:35 – Part 1 will be about childhood and personality; Part 2 is about adult, romantic relationships
  • 01:04 – To Joseph, all people are on a spectrum in regards to the different types of attachment they can experience
  • 01:29 – Most of the material that will be quoted in the podcast will come from the book, Attached
  • 02:07 – There are 3 causes for attachment development:
  • 02:12 – Predisposition
  • 02:33 – Primary caregiver
  • 02:43 – Life experience
  • 02:46 – Attached states that it takes about 4 years to change one’s attachment style, but research proves it can change in a lot less time than that
  • 03:32 – 4 Types of Attachment:
  • 03:36 – Secure
  • 03:43 – Anxious/preoccupied
  • 03:49 – Avoidant/dismissive
  • 03:52 – Anxious-avoidant combined
  • 04:12 – “What cannot be communicated to the mother cannot be communicated to the self.” – John Bowlby
  • 04:23 – Through research, we observe how children react with their caregiver
  • 04:53 – The secure child gets upset, wails, but does well to calm herself
  • 05:23 – The anxious-preoccupied child will show tremendous distress, protest and will get angry
  • 05:58 – The avoidant-dismissive child will ignore mom on the outside, but on the inside he still feels extreme levels of distress
  • 07:06 – If you have secure parents, you will develop into a more secure person
  • 07:39 – Our personality develops in this childhood stage
  • 08:34 – How your personality develops manifests in how you get attached to things
  • 09:11 – Don’t put yourself in a box, instead look at the patterns!
  • 09:36 – End of this week’s podcast!

3 Key Points:

  1.     One’s attachment is expressed on a spectrum—there are different types of attachment one may identify with.
  2.     It takes time for people to change their attachment styles, but each person is capable of changing.
  3.     Our personality developed as a child; we learn how to attach from our early experiences with our caregivers.

Resources Mentioned:

  •     Attached – Book about attachment that Joseph highly recommends