Nobody is perfect in this world; in fact, we are all flawed and our parents are no exception to this rule. So what do we make of the hurt and pain that was caused by our parents? Moreover, how can we learn to self-parent ourselves and fill in the gaps from our childhood? This article will share 4 steps of self-parenting that are essential to our well-being. It will explain why we need to love ourselves, the importance of setting up healthy boundaries in relationships and the value of self-reflection and more when it comes to parenting ourselves.
Learning to self-parent is an essential quality all people must learn. Inevitably our parents cannot be perfect and there are times that they were off the mark and caused us pain. In an evolutionary psychology perspective, emotional self-care takes place through different processes. Our vulnerability (especially as children) opens up room for hurt and mistakes from parents. If unexplored, some of this pain carries over to adulthood and can wreak havoc on one’s personal life. However, you can really break free from it as we will outline below.
As we go through the list, look at your own life and ask yourself where you can put in work to improve it.
Step #1: Self-Love
Someone with no self-esteem is easily swayed to think of themselves as failures. Love yourself for who you are and commit yourself to learn to appreciate your own strengths and qualities.
Step #2: Healthy Boundaries
Some boundaries parents set are either too heavy or too soft. How do you interact with others? Relationship dynamics are all about boundaries. Have a healthy boundary with respectful give-and-take.
Step #3: Self-Reflection
Sometimes people do things without thinking, we and our parents are all guilty of this. Parents with severe blind spots creates a very tricky dynamic for a child, who on the one hand wants to love his parents, but on the other hand knows something is wrong. Self-reflection means being aware of your own blind spots.
Step #4: Self-Soothing and Self-Regulation
We need to learn to take responsibility for our behaviors. Lacking healthy parents can leave one at a disadvantage in that they never were taught or shown how to de-escalate when upset and how to self-soothe and relax.
Be your own parent by self-parenting. Get a mentor, therapist or buddy to help you out and read books on the topic. You can take back your life and free yourself from the past.